Does This Constitute a Parent Fail?

Has anyone else gotten the "parent interview" paper home from school? The one where my child cheerfully reports, "I don't have homework, but YOU do!"

I have had two different ones so far this year. So, this will be simple... What is your child's favorite subject? oh, that's easy.....math, no --- shit why didn't I use a pencil? It's definitely science. Doubt, fear. What if I write science and he HATES science.

This little "homework assignment" just turned into an interview. (Patting myself on the back for the great idea to use this as a way to involve said child in the assignment.)

ME: "What is your favorite subject?"
Buddy boy: "Reading." This from the child who would rather have hot pokers in his eyes or be set outside in the wet grass to be eaten alive by mosquitoes than to run his eyeballs over a page with words on it.
ME: "Are you kidding me? You HATE to read, you whined and carried on all summer when I would tell you to go read a book!" Now this interview has turned into an argument.
Buddy Boy: "That was because it was summer, I love to read during the school year."

(FYI, I ran out the VERY next day and bought him a book. I'll be damned if that kid didn't lay in bed and READ himself to sleep last night!)


OK, second parent questionnaire, this one is on volunteering. Whew, this one is about ME, I will know ALL the answers.

Questionnaire: Do you have any special skills or talents you would be willing to share with the students/teachers?

ME: I don't know, do I? Shit, who can I call and ask if I have any special talents? OK, ship that one and come back to it.

Questionnaire: How often do you want to volunteer?

ME: Easy, wait, will I look like a loser if I say once a month? What if I want to volunteer in each kid's classroom, there is no blank for that. Do I look like a psycho mom if I say I want to volunteer once a week? I mean get a life lady!

Questionnaire: Would you like to volunteer at our sister school?

ME: No, not really, but does that make me an asshole fo not helping out where they need the help?

Dear School- Don't send any more homework home for me.

thanks,

Mom who knows nothing about her children, doesn't have any skills and is selfish with her volunteer time.