Hello from the death mobile

Have you ever been jolted from sleep by fright? How about in vehicle going 80mph (or so he says)? How about THREE TIMES while you are napping peacefully? The first time it felt like we were taking a turn way too fast and I could feel my body coming out of the seat.
I'm all, "Slow down ass hat."
He's all, "I'm only going 4 miles over the speed limit." Like that would be a good explanation to my friends and family at my funeral.
The second time I woke up with that startle sound of sucking my breath in like when you get into really cold water or when you are about to fly off the road at 90 miles an hour. He hates it when I do that sound. I've saved our lives once or twice by doing that when he's not paying attention to the road. Seems that is my body's way of preparing for iminent death.
Third time, ok that's it, I'm awake and now you get to watch me type on my phone.
Miles traveled: 653
Stops: 1(shhh, don't say it too loud or someone will have to pee)
Canker Sore Check: (popcorn, twizzlers, lemonade, pretzels, gum)
Mr.Man : 1
Buddy Boy:0
Miss Thing: 0
Me:0
We are 26 minutes from our stopping point... Day one a success!
Quotes of the day: "Are we in another country?"
"I have handled my pee problem: eat more candy, drink.less.water."
I couldn't have said it better myself.